Why Governor Spitzer is an Idiot

AND WHY CHEAP HOOKERS ARE BETTER THAN CALL GIRLS

Governor Spitzer of New York this week got his privates in a vice because he was caught using the services of a high priced call girl ring. Yes it's immoral. Yes it sets a bad example for the kids of New York. Yes it hurt his wife and embarrassed his daughters. Yes, it is a sin and he is going to burn in Hell. Yes he was a New York State Attorney who prosecuted victimless crimes like the one he was caught at. I know all that. Every pundit on earth is telling you that. I am here to tell you why, given his lack of restraint, he made a really stupid choice. He should have gone with a cheap hooker that any cab driver could have helped him find.

First, cheap hookers are cheaper. He paid some $4300 for what he could have gotten for $200. That is stupid. Furthermore, its traceable, which is doubly stupid. The FBI noticed his withdrawals. These withdrawals were set up deliberately so as to not attract attention, so naturally they did attract attention. Now, he is being charged with a species of money laundering known as "structuring". On the other hand, nobody traces $200 ATM withdrawals.

Second, cheap hookers keep no records. Half the cheap hookers I know can't even write their own names. And why on earth would they want to remember your brother in law? So no records are kept. No records means no allegations that this has been an ongoing criminal enterprise.

Third, cheap hookers don't watch the news. Any of it. At all. Which means they would never have seen the good governor's face before. Or if they did, they would have had a hard time putting name and face together. A good meth addled hooker would most likely say something like "Hey, didn't I see you on TV one time? You were the guy on that show. And all the other guys in suits were asking him questions and stuff?" See? Ignorant is better.

Fourth, is plausible deniability. This key phrase is the most important reason why famous people should always choose a cheap hooker. No one will ever believe that you were with her. No one will ever believe her when she says she was with you."What makes you think I would be seen in the area code with a fifty dollar whore? Why, I'm the governor of New York! If I wanted a call girl, I could afford a $5,000 per hour one!"

Cheap hookers are better.

It's not like an expensive call girl is going to do anything radically different. Or even look radically better. And in the dark, everyone becomes a porn star.

There is only one place for an arrogant man who wastes money, thinks he won't get caught, and thinks a TV apology will make everything all better.

Elliot Spitzer for President.