Scott McClellan and His Marvelous New Book

THE LAST PRESS CONFERENCE

So Scott McClellan has come out with a new tell all book about his days as liar in chief er... press secretary for the Bush Administration. Not long ago, General Petreus testified before Congress about what was going on in Iraq, and columnist pundit and all around curmudgeon Fred Reed proposed some questions he would have liked to ask Herr General. In this same spirit, I imagine myself with press credentials, sitting in Mr. McClellan's book tour press conference. These are the questions I would ask:

More than a million Iraqis have been killed in this war, millions more have been injured, two millions have become expatirate refugees, and another two millions have been turned into internal refugees. With one press conference, you could have derailed the run up to the Iraq war, and prevented all this. Yet you chose to present half truths and falsehoods to the American people instead. Do you think anyone regrets your decision?

What childhood experiences led you to choose a career that enabled you to become a shill for an administration so dedicated to the worship of raw power?

After spending several years as White House Press Secretary, every day stabbing America in the back by telling us half truths and falsehoods, and grossly inflating both our successes in Iraq and the dangers posed by withdrawal, you have now turned around and betrayed the Administration. Does your wife trust you? Does she suspect you will betray her trust as well?

Speaking of your family, do your children talk to you? Do your parents?

When you enter a restaurant, do the respectable patrons leave when they see you?

How would you compare yourself to Joseph Goebbels, the Nazi Propaganda Minister?

When you are in a shopping mall or at an airport, and you see a young man in a wheelchair, do you feel a twinge of guilt?

You deliberately covered up your involvement in the Valerie Plame affair. What does she think of you? Does she expect an apology, and if you gave one do you think she would accept it?

Can you explain to me why you should not be in prison right now?

Since several prominent members of the Bush Administration have been indicted in Europe for war crimes, do you worry about traveling abroad?

The 1991 Gulf War only killed 91 Americans, while more that 4,000 American troops have been killed in this current war. Do you think this conclusively proves that George W. Bush's penis IS larger than his father's?

There are so many people who cannot make it out to Borders Books, because they are stuck in wheel chairs, or bed bound, or find it difficult to get around with a colostomy bag. Would you care to do a book signing at the Veteran's Administration hospital?

Have you been to Mass recently? If so, did the Holy Water burn your skin?

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I called up the Alan Colmes radio show last night, which I get on my XM receiver. When I got to talk to Alan, I told him that if I had a chance to ask Scott McClellan one question, it would be that first one I proposed. Alan said that I was very angry .
Very angry? That does not begin to describe how furious I am with this administration and its duplicitous conduct, lies and murders. And Scott McClellan, Ari Fleischer, and Tony Snow are right at the top of my list of people to despise since they enabled it.
The very first documented victim of the war was a taxi driver from Jordan who was working in Bahgdad when the first wave of "Shock and Awe" began. He stopped to use a pay phone outside the Ministry of Justice, and a missile blew him to pieces. Should I be angry about that?
The book Generation Kill tells the tale of an Iraqi family whose car was shot up by Americans on patrol. It tells how an American GI pulled from the car the lifeless body of a three year old girl whose brains had been blown out by American machine gun fire. How the GI handed the tiny body to her father, and how her father wept bitterly. Should I be angry at that?
I think a better question is why aren't you very angry at that, Alan?
When I compared the Bush administration to the Hitler administration, Alan claims that I went too far; there was no comparison. He may have a point. After all, Hitler was a brilliant man. Rather, we should compare Bush to another US president--Ulysses S. Grant. Grant, a drunken sot and pathetic excuse for a man (just like W) had the US cavalry wage unrestricted warfare against the plains Indians because the tribesmen armed with sticks and rocks posed a "threat" to our way of life. Don't remember who Grant was? Well, pull a fifty dollar bill out of your pocket, and look at it. His face is there.
What's that? You don't HAVE fifty dollars? Gee, I wonder why? Maybe that's something else I just shouldn't be angry about.
I do have one more question for the former Press Secretary, though: "Mr. McClellan, why don't you go fuck yourself?"