Why a mural at Sky Harbor makes me grateful I am not a frog

This is a photo of a mural that appears on the wall of Phoenix Sky Harbor Int'l Airport at Terminal Two. I'll be publishing more photos from PHX from time to time. Which reminds me of something that happened today. I took a call from someone who wanted to go to the airport, and, unable to locate a piece of paper whilst barreling down the freeway at 67 miles per hour, I wrote the address on the back of my hand, which made me think:

I am so glad that I am not a frog.

For starters, a frog has slimy skin which means he cannot write addresses on the back of his hand. The ink will not stick through all that slime and the pen will end up skipping the next time he wanted to use it. Which means he would have to find a piece of paper to write on. Which brings up the subject of thumbs. A frog does not have thumbs, so it would be very difficult for him to hold a pen in his front hands, and have you ever tried to write a memo with your back feet? I don't even have back feet, so I can imagine that must be very difficult. And what would you do about the phone? A person cradles the phone against his ear and his shoulder while he writes down something, but a frog does not have external ears. It does not even have shoulders, which means it would have to put the phone on "speaker". Can you imagine how embarrassing that would be to call and have a frog put you on speaker phone while he tries to write a memo with his back legs? This is probably why frogs do not get many phone calls. Have you ever called a frog? I didn't think so. And if a frog can't get calls, he probably won't be a very good cab driver.

Twas the Night Before New Year's Eve

Actually, it is early morning on New Year's Eve, and I am looking forward to a few things. First, I am looking forward to tonight, which tends to be one of the busiest nights in cab driving on a consistent basis. If you cannot make $500 in one night on New Years, well, maybe you should reconsider driving a taxi. People are drunk off their ass and tip extremely heavily. also, due to the unavailability of taxis, people generally throw money at you just to get you to stop. I have had people pounding on the hood of the cab trying to get in. So has everybody else I know.
Want some tips about getting a taxi on New Years Eve? Hire a Mormon as a designated driver. Make sure that you always have TWO Mormons at your party because one will drink all your booze. Seriously, pick a company, call that company, and wait.
DON'T CALL TWO COMPANIES AT THE SAME TIME: There is a likelihood that two taxis will arrive at the same time, or somehow one company will find out that you called two companies (Your brother Steve drunkenly tells the cab driver, "Jim and Nancy left in another taxi already.") In this day of computers you might find yourself blacklisted from that company, and never be able to get a taxi from them again. When I was a dispatcher, there were several ass holes that I black listed, not only with my own company, but by calling up buddies at other companies and having them black listed there as well. I wonder if that guy on Glenrosa Ave. ever did get a ride?
CALL AND RECONFIRM YOUR ORDER EVERY HALF HOUR. The reason you do this is because many of these computer systems that cab companies now use delete calls automatically if the taxis have not been dispatched to it within 45 minutes or so. By calling and confirming, you can eliminate this headache.
BE READY TO GO WHEN YOUR CAB SHOWS UP: There ARE other humans on Earth other than you and some are even bigger lushes than you. Be courteous to the driver and his other customers by not tying up the taxi unnecessarily.
BE CLEAR ABOUT WHERE YOU WANT TO GO: Give an address. Or a major intersection. Or a bar name. Do not under any circumstances drunkenly tell your driver where to go and how to drive. Remember, he is the sober professional driver YOU are the alcoholic in the back seat. I remember I was driving past a field late one night with a crowd of truly trashed individuals in the back. One was alcoholically telling me directions. At one point he told me "Turn lefffft righhht ere." So, of course, I drove off the road and into the field. After a few yards, I stopped the taxi, looked at the idiot, and said "Now where?" "Oh.... I meant riiight."
AND ALWAYS TIP YOUR DRIVER: Heavily.
Anyway, I will post some of my experiences in the cab here from time to time. If you need a taxi in Phoenix, call me at Paul's Taxi (602)684-4220